#48. How to Facilitate Discussions.
In 2016, whilst I was completing my national service a few friends asked me for advice on starting a business. A subject I had some experience on. So, I came up with the bright idea of organising a meetup session called A breakfast session with Nero Okwa & Friends on Saturday mornings, once a month where we would get together and discuss all things business and do some networking.
On the day I expected a few people to show up, but instead had about 12 participants. So, we sat around in a circle. I kicked things off. I had the responsibility of not only contributing but facilitating the conversations. I thought this would be a short meeting but it went on for 2hrs. It was nerve racking, but also successful.
Later in the year, I did a few more sessions. But I always wanted to get better at managing and facilitating group discussions.
Dear Reader,
Welcome to the 48th edition of this newsletter. I recently listened to an amazing podcast episode on facilitating conversations and I just knew I had to write about it. Then I listened to it 4 more times and I knew I was right.
The conversation was between Matt Abrahams who’s a lecturer on strategic communication and virtual communication at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business, and Sonal Chokshi the Editor in Chief at Andreessen Horowitz aka "A16Z”, for the A16Z podcast.
We increasingly find ourselves on zoom calls, leading meetings, presenting a topic, or contributing to discussions within a team or group.
How can we get better at this?
What do we do when the conversation gets unruly or goes off on a tangent?
This article is for anyone who wants to improve their communication and meeting facilitation skills. I regularly use the techniques recommended as an entrepreneur, product manager, and team lead, and have been successful, and so could you.
Preparation, Planning and the role of a Moderator
If you are planning a meeting or panel – online or in person – Matt recommends you think about: the things you do before the interaction, during the interaction, and after the interaction.
Before the session, you’re finding out who your audience is, what’s important to them? The themes you want to cover as part of the communication, and the overarching goal.
Matt says:
“To me a goal is very specific, a goal is about information, emotion, and action: What do want people to know; how do you want them to feel; What do you want them to do? Are there ground rules you need to establish?”
Knowing who the audience is, and what’s important to them would influence what you (the facilitator) are trying to achieve – collaboration or decision making.
With that in mind, we can then craft the goal: know/feel/do: information, emotion, and action.
Matt says:
“A lot of us are really good at focusing on the information: here’s what I want us to be talking about. We don’t often think about the feeling, the tone - what tone do I want the interaction to have?”
“If conveying those feelings is important as part of the interactions you’re facilitating, then the question and challenge for you becomes what do you do in preparation of the participants – during the interaction and even after – to really bring those emotions, those feelings to life?
You know it’s so much easier to think about the knowing piece – Here are the bullet points I need to get across, but what is it that you can do to really call out or invoke those feelings that you want?
And it could be simple things: non-verbally acknowledging what somebody said; it could be thanking somebody and expressing gratitude.”
This is so important, but its commonly the last thought in our minds. Most times we are trying to get all our points across – the bullet points as Matt mentioned above.
Next, Matt recommends we have some “back-pocket” questions that we can ask the participants to get the conversation going, especially if silence sets in. But you don’t want to over rely on these questions and kill the free-flowing nature of the conversation.
Matt says:
“So, having questions you can ask others and having questions you can use to get the conversation moving: really important.”
…
“You want to feel as if you have a direction, and tools to help you get to where you’re going; but you don’t want to have it SO scripted, and SO structured, that free-flowing, spontaneity is stripped from it.”
These are the planning and questions you need to consider before the interaction.
During the session, you’re focus is on facilitating and guiding the conversation. Having earlier determined that the goal of the conversation is collaboration or making a decision, you can then drive to this objective.
Matt says:
“Your biggest skill sets in the midst of moderation are: your ability to listen, your ability to paraphrase, and link and bridge ideas. That’s what helps a smooth interaction take place”.
But how do your paraphrase, and link and bridge ideas? Let’s find out.
Paraphrasing.
Matt says:
“So, when I’m speaking about paraphrasing, I’m talking about listening to hear what is the bottom line — the critical gist of what somebody is saying”.
“And this requires a very different type of listening; most of the time when we listen, we’re just listening to get a vague idea of what someone’s saying, and then we begin formulating our response or rehearsing it”.
“But when you’re listening to paraphrase, you’re really trying to figure out, what’s the bottom line”.
Paraphrasing and Unruly Conversations.
Paraphrasing helps you manage the conversation, especially when someone is going off on a tangent. It gives you the ability to politely reassert control if the conversation is getting unruly.
You can quickly highlight the bottom line of what they are saying, bridge and link it to next topic (where you want to take the conversation next).
Matt says:
“So, imagine that you’re about to take us further on a tangent, I can simply say, “Hey, that point you just made about X, that’s really important. And in fact, it ties nicely to…” — and all of a sudden, I’ve taken control back, I’ve validated that you said something useful, and I’ve moved on”.
“If you’re charged with being the moderator/ the facilitator/ the leader of the interaction, and somebody goes on a tangent, or somebody gets aggressive, or starts really rambling, people are going to look to you to manage that situation”.
“So you need to step in, but you need to do so politely. And I think paraphrasing — highlighting something somebody said, questioning it in a polite way, whatever that is — is your wedge to get YOU back in control, and then you move it to somewhere else”.
Bridging and Linking
Having a theme/objective at the back of your mind as the facilitator, you want to always refer what is being discussed to this ‘anchor’. That is what Matt refers to as bridging and linking.
Matt says:
“So it means in advance, you have some guideposts of where you’re going — those are the themes that you’re driving towards — and then you bridge and link back to them.
And you can bridge and link back through questioning, “How does that link to our goal”; you can do it directly by saying, “That links to our goal in these ways” or you can ask somebody else, you could say “Okay Sonal, now how do you think that helps us achieve the goal that we’re striving for?”.
“Or you can ask somebody else, you could say “Okay Sonal, now how do you think that helps us achieve the goal that we’re striving for?”.
Sonal says:
“You know it’s a lot like a host at a cocktail party, where people are kind of meeting each other for the first time, and you’re like “Oh, you know, Matt, you just mentioned this, well it turns out that so and so is also really into this, and you guys have that in common”.
Matt says:
“Right and the key word you said there is “connect” — and that’s really what a good facilitator and moderator does; it’s all about connecting. And connecting is just another word for bridging and linking — that’s really the task.
And it’s a mindset … You know for many of us when we host a party, we have to get into that role and say, I’m a host, it’s my job to make sure everybody’s talking and enjoying themselves and connecting.
Same too, with a moderator: Many of us go into our role as facilitator or moderator with that contributor’s mindset. And that’s very different than when you are actually in the role of moderating. So that linking/bridging/connecting matters, a lot.”.
I love this host analogy, and the distinction in mindset of contributing vs connecting.
If I am attending an event, I am primarily contributing in conversations, but if I am the host, I should be facilitating those conversations by connecting guests with similar interests, bridging and linking topics – from one to the next. Keeping it moving.
At the end of the session, you need to think about next actions.
Matt says:
“You need to think about how you follow up; how do I make sure the information is acted upon; how do I set myself and others for success for the next interaction”.
Here Sonal asks an important question.
Sonal:
“What’s the difference between sort of a planned meetings – like presentations and panels – versus spontaneous, more organic sessions?”.
Matt says:
“The preparation piece is the same, … if it is a free-flowing activity – maybe a brainstorming meeting, a feedback session – your job as a moderator is really to just guide and steer it in the direction that participants are taking it”.
“In a more formal situation – like a panel, or a decision – making meeting – you have to be much more directive: You have to keep things on track; you have to be monitoring the agenda, and the time, and the different types of contribution”.
The type of meeting determines the role the moderator will need to play.
Structuring the Talk
There was something else you do before the session that is important. Something beyond deciding the goal of the conversation, that goes deeper than planning. Structuring.
Structuring your talk was the best aspect for me in this podcast episode. Let’s get into it.
Matt explains that he thinks about structuring at the macro level and micro level.
At the macro level he thinks about how he wants the beginning of the talk, the middle, and the end to be done. Like a movie producer.
At the micro level he thinks about the actual content of the talk. What he calls the what, so what, and now what structure.
Together the macro and micro levels give an overview, and detailed structure to any talk you need to give.
Matt says:
“Structure is something I spend a lot of time thinking about. And, I think about it from an overarching event structure — so the meeting itself, the panel, the presentation — but also the specific content that gets discussed in that”.
“So, at the macro level, it’s all about the arc — What do I want the beginning to feel like? What information do I want at the beginning? Where do I want to land this?”.
“Then there’s the actual content that gets spoken in the actual interaction. The structure that I like the most for information is what I call *the what, *so what, *now what structure”.
“It starts by defining what it is you’re talking about — could be your idea, your product, your process. You then talk about why it’s important, that’s the “so what”. And then “the now what” is the next step, what comes next? Maybe it’s signing up for a particular offering”.
I love how these 2 structures can be combined to drive a successful conversation.
Matt agrees:
“So, when you put the micro-level structure — the what, so what, now what, into the macro-level structure — where you’re worrying about the flow and the arc, that’s where you get rich, engaging, memorable communication happening”.
Virtual, Visual, and Vocal
We’ve mainly touched on the verbal aspects of communication, beyond that there are also the non-verbal aspect. Such as gesturing with our hands, remembering to look at the camera, and the tone of our voice.
Matt identifies 3 components of non-verbal presence: The visuals, The vocal, and the verbal.
The Visual
This is what people see of you, and how you carry your body. Matt encourages us to aim to come across as confident, big, and composed.
Matt says:
“So we want to be big (that is, not hunched or crouched); we want to be balanced (head straight, shoulders square); and we want to be still”.
“So, visual is what we see. And virtually or in person — big, balanced, and still is what it’s all about”.
Sonal says:
“How do you do big in virtual though?”.
Matt says:
“So, when you’re in the box: Pull those shoulder blades down, broaden the shoulders, hold your head straight; really important”.
“The other thing that’s important is gesturing: When I’m up in front of people, I want my gestures to be broad; I want them to go beyond my shoulders. Now when I’m virtual in the box, if I were to do that, you’d never see my hands”.
“Gesturing helps your audience; it also helps you. So bringing your hands up higher, putting them about your shoulder level”.
The Vocal
Matt encourages us to ensure our voice has variation in it. This can be done using emotive words, adjectives, and adverbs.
Matt says:
“So I would never say “I’m really excited to be here Sonal.” I would say, “I’m really excited to be here!”. In the “excited”, invoke that emotion”.
“In person or virtually, you have to work on your breath; your voice is a wind instrument. And if you don’t have vocal stamina, you’re gonna be in trouble: Your voice is gonna trail off, you’re gonna start speaking fast”.
“So I encourage everybody, before you have a big event — I don’t care if it’s a presentation, meeting contribution — you should be building vocal stamina. And the best way I know to do that is reading out loud”.
“If I know next week I’m doing a 30-minute whatever, I’m reading out loud the week before 5-10 minutes each day to build stamina”.
This is very apt, and for me is one of those things we don’t think about when preparing for a talk or presentation. But with a little practice we can build our voice stamina.
The Verbal
Here Matt goes beyond the actual words you say to an aspect of verbal communication that can let you down when speaking or facilitating a discussion. The use of filler words, and hedging language.
Matt says:
“What I really like to highlight are the words that get in the way, what I call the “verbal graffiti” — so it’s the ums, the uhs, the likes”.
“The best thing you can do is just try to build your own awareness. And based on that, then, eventually over time, they will decrease”.
“The other part of verbal that I want to add is hedging language: kind of, sort of, I think — that language undercuts your credibility”.
“Now there are times, if I’m leading a meeting, … and I want to avoid people just doing what I say because I’m the big boss, then I might say “I kind of think we should do this” — because that invites them to share their opinion”.
“But when you are running a panel, when you’re giving a presentation, and you say “kind of” and “sort of” and “I think” all over the place, you are reducing your credibility”.
Summary
Today we have looked at all the aspects of facilitating a conversation or a panel. We’ve considered how to prepare and structure the conversation, use paraphrasing, linking and bridging, and improve the non-verbal aspects of communication.
There are other valuable aspects of this podcast episode I didn’t cover such as how to do introductions and conclusions, and managing breath control and anxiety. So, I encourage you to listen to the entire conversation, apply these lessons, and facilitate successful conversations.
Good luck and bye for now.
Nero
Delivering Value, Racing Towards Excellence.
PS
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